When Tragedy Strikes: How to Start Recovering from Traumatic Loss

When a person suffers a traumatic loss, grief is a very normal response. Good news: Studies show that 7 out of 10 people experience sustainable emotional recovery within a year. You can probably guess what the bad news is. Thirty percent of us may end up struggling with a version of complicated grief. We may feel stuck. The sadness, we imagine, will never end.

Everyone’s life will be touched by some form of crisis at some time. But not everyone has to suffer long-term trauma from such an experience. This makes it so important to better understand what the process of loss and recovery entails.

What is Traumatic Loss?

Any loss can be traumatic. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder and is not be judged by others. However, there are related circumstances that can increase the likelihood of feeling traumatized after a loss or other painful event, e.g.

  • Suddenness

  • Extreme violence

  • Death by suicide, homicide, or accident

  • Believing it could have been prevented

  • Witnessing the death

  • Survivor’s guilt

  • Having to make medical decisions for the person leading up to their death

  • Being blamed for what happened

  • Lack of a support system

  • Having a history of prior trauma

The “Stages” of Grief

These are the five generally accepted stages of grief:

  • Denial

  • Anger

  • Bargaining

  • Depression

  • Acceptance

It is important to note that these five stages are not predictable or linear events. They are more like ocean waves. They come and they go. These waves vary in size and intensity and may surprise you at times. Ultimately, the waves continue endlessly. What we aim to do is learn how to ride them more and more effectively as time passes.

Managing the Impact of Traumatic Loss

After suffering a traumatic loss, you may lose faith or hope. You might view the world as a dangerous and unfair place. In addition, it’s not unusual for a survivor to experience some level of guilt or self-blame. You may drop into social isolation or lash out in anger and frustration. Small degrees of such reactions are relatively normal. Feeling consumed with any of the above is reason enough to speak with a mental health professional. We’ll get to therapy soon but let’s first ponder some self-help steps and suggestions that can really help:

Accept the Process

When dealing with traumatic loss, there is no how-to manual or roadmap. There is no one right way to resolve and move on. Prepare yourself for a long and winding road — filled with tough setbacks and positive progress. Do not set a specific timetable. It may take longer than you imagine.

Don’t Withdraw

Avoid the temptation to withdraw. Sure, some solitude can be healing. But social isolation will not help you recover. Remember, you’re not alone. Many folks are going through a similar emotional struggle. That’s why support groups are so popular and effective. Of course, one-on-one counseling is essential (see below).

Release the Guilt/Forgive Yourself

Again, it is not uncommon for the survivors to experience guilty feelings. They may feel shame or blame themselves for what happened. It is important to actively release such counterproductive emotions. If necessary, perform a ritual to forgive yourself for any role — real or perceived — you may have played.

The Importance of Therapy

Recovering from a traumatic loss is definitely not a solo act. You will need help. Part of that involves reaching out to a counselor. Your weekly therapy sessions can offer solace and continuity. You’ll learn to identify triggers along with unhealthy patterns that may have been developed. Working with a skilled professional is a proven path to choose when tragedy strikes.

When you are ready, we are here to support you through this time. Reach out to us today so you can manage your anxiety and sadness.

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